The end of a relationship is always a sad time, a genuine low point in most of our lives. Even if you were the one that decided to call it quits, a little time apart can give you time to think and maybe you're starting to wonder if all of this was the right thing to do. It's normal to have doubts, and after some time apart you might have realised that actually you really do want to be with this person after all. Perhaps you made a rash decision and ended things in anger, or maybe you thought about it for a while but you're now questioning if your reasons were justified. Time away could have given you perspective, and shown you where positive changes can be made in the relationship. If you've come to the conclusion that you want your ex back, it won't always be easy (even if you were the one to end things). So how exactly do you go about it, and is it possible to win back your love? Is taking the relationship to the next level possible again after such a big setback?
Why It’s Not Wrong to Believe in Second Chances
Sometimes, people really do give second chances. In a mature relationship, both partners are able to admit to at least some level of fault which lead to its downfall. It's much easier to forgive when you know the person has taken responsibility for their actions, so this is the first step. It's not to say it's easy to do so, none of us like to admit our wrongdoings. But it's very rarely a case of one partner being completely blameless, and the other being at fault. The thing is, it can take time to realise this. You need to gain perspective which involves having time apart, coming to terms with what's happened and even healing from it to a certain degree. Only then are you able to look back objectively, and hold your hands up and say 'I know where I went wrong.' Give your partner time and space before you go in asking for a second chance. There's a risk that once they've healed, you'll be out of their life for good- but unfortunately it's one you have to take. If that's their decision- accept that it wasn't to be.
A psychololgist at getexbackforgood.com explains more about how to go about doing this properly.
Work on Yourself
A breakup might not be very nice to go through, but can actually be a wonderful opportunity to really take a look at yourself and understand yourself better. It can highlight your weak points and parts about your personality that aren't so nice- and from there, you can go about improving them. If you're open to it, a heartbreak can reveal a whole other layer of yourself to you. Give your partner space after a breakup, but don't just sit around waiting for them to call, use it as a time to improve. If you've become a bit of a hermit, start a new hobby, socialise and build your skills. If you've fallen into a rut, take an online course to improve your career, volunteer or hit the gym. Not only is this good for your mental health, but if it was down to your own wrongdoings that the relationship ended, your partner will be able to see that you're serious about making changes when you try and win them back. The trick is to not slip back into your old ways if you do end up reconciling. It's so tempting, but don’t turn to self-destructive activities like drinking, taking drugs, binge eating or hanging around with the wrong people. Instead, think positive, help your heart to heal so you can love better next time. Read more on that subject here.
Rebuild Trust
Even if your relationship didn't end because of broken trust, after it ends there's always going to be some uncertainty there. Trust is a fundamental building block of a good relationship, and so when you're approaching your ex partner to try and win her back, always be honest and open. Don't tell lies and say what they want to hear as a way to win them back, as if they find out the truth later on then it will be so much worse. Lay your cards on the table, it's the only way they can understand that you're completely genuine and it gives a starting point again to give you a second chance at love.
What if she isn’t really willing to continue the relationship with you? Let her know that you'll take her ‘no’ as a ‘no’ and respect her decision. Even though it hurts, if that's the answer then it's time for you to move on. Sometimes, a relationship breakdown will lead to getting back together and can actually make you stronger for it, so do what you can and hold out hope until you have your answer.
