Everyone wants to experience love, it’s one of the headiest feelings in the world. Unfortunately, it's often difficult to achieve, particularly in the long term as so many factors have to line up. As well as meeting someone you have an initial spark with, both partners need to be willing and able to do the work to make it last- such as making time for each other, ensuring the other feels validated and being patient and understanding. While most people will experience short-term lust and romances that feel good, getting true love to last for decades is much more challenging. Some people manage it, but why?In the past, it was difficult to get answers to questions like these. But today, thanks to science, we have a clearer picture of why some relationships work. In this post, we take a look at what the research says makes relationships last.
They're Compatible Where It Matters
Dating websites treat people like items you might shop for in a store. You filter out the characteristics you don’t want, and then all your matches pop up. But this approach to romance usually doesn’t work. When it comes down to it, it doesn’t matter if you and your partner have the same taste in music. What really matters is whether you are compatible with deep psychological metrics. Do you have the same values and expectations about your roles in the relationship? Do you want the same things for the future? Do your personalities complement each other? Some people will clash regardless of how good things look on paper, and others come up against obstacles such as fundamental differences in religion or politics. These can massively shape the way they view the world and can impact how two people are able to relate to each other causing conflict and friction. We should each look for a person who complements our strengths and weaknesses.
They Argue in The Right Way
Many couples do everything they can to avoid arguments, and not arguing at all seems the mature thing to do. However, arguing the right way is good for the overall health of the relationship. Arguments that lead somewhere can be productive and make both parties happier. It's all about the way you're both able to present your point to the other, be seen, heard and validated in the relationship. It's about the way you take each others points on board, and move forward after that. Keeping issues bottled up can lead to resentment, when you have an issue that the other partner is unaware of it's unfair to expect them to change or understand if you've given no clue that you have a problem. So many people push down their issues and feelings and end up snapping, leading to a huge argument or a visit to a family lawyer to discuss divorce options. It doesnt need to come to this, be honest, open and tactful. Don't be afraid to speak your mind, but do it with compassion and understanding and always listen to the other person too. A good level of emotional intelligence is required here.
They Have Grit and Determination in Love and in Life
Lastly, people’s love lives tend to follow in the footsteps of their overall life success. The same characteristics improve the likelihood of things working out in both areas. The key factor here seems to be “grit.” Life isn’t easy. It’s full of challenges. But people who stay the course and never give up are usually those who succeed. Grit is what separates the top ten percent from everyone else. If you have perseverance, you are much more likely to stay married.
