How to keep the spark and sizzle in a long-term relationship

by - Monday, June 11, 2018

There’s a reason it’s called the honeymoon ‘phase’ – and that’s because, sadly, it just doesn’t last forever. The first thing to know is that this is perfectly normal! As with all new things in life, eventually the novelty wears off. You fall back into your old routines, and life carries on. Getting the spark back requires a bit of effort – but the more you put in, the happier you and your partner will be. Here’s how to go about it!

Don’t wait for special occasions to get romantic
As time goes by, candlelit dinners and romantic gestures start to get reserved for anniversaries or milestones. One of the best ways to add sizzle, however, is with the element of surprise! Think of something you could do tonight, completely out of the blue, to show your partner you appreciate them. Often all it takes is for one partner to take the initiative, the other to reciprocate, and before you know it you have a runaway romantic train. Sounds good, right?

Focus on the things you love about your partner
Familiarity, as they say, breeds contempt, and it’s not just in romantic relationships that this unpleasant human trait tends to rear its head. We’ve all experienced a habit or quirk in someone we know turn from mildly endearing, to mildly annoying, to downright infuriating! If you let yourself focus on these areas, your relationship is in big trouble. Make an active effort to focus on all the good things about your partner, and remind yourself often about just how much they mean to you, and why. Putting together a list of all the things about your partner that you're grateful for is an excellent way to bring it all back into perspective. Don’t sweat the small stuff!

Get a little naughty
Some people are comfortable talking about sex and intimacy, and some people just aren’t. Inviting your partner to step outside of their comfort zone with you, and going on a journey of discovery together can add loads of sizzle – and best of all, you don’t have to do it alone! Leave a naughty book on the bedside table, put on a slightly racy movie or TV show, or greet them at the door in something sleek and sexy after work! If you're ready to experiment a bit, visit a site like Allure Sensuality together and have a good giggle. It doesn’t have to a deep conversation, but get to know where your partner’s darker fantasies lie!

Learn from the best
In a world where divorce is becoming more and more common, it’s more important than ever to learn from those couples who just keep getting it right. Pay attention to the couples you know who’ve been together happily for many years, and observe the way they treat each other. As a rule, comparing yourself to other people is seldom a good idea, but if you're armed with an attitude to learn, you can pick up on things that might never have occurred to you otherwise. What little rituals do they have that let them spend time together? Where do they give each other space?

Create new memories
Reminiscing about happier times is all well and good, but there’s no time like the present for creating brand new memories to treasure in the future! Make time to go on that weekend getaway, make a reservation at a nice restaurant, or even just stay at a BNB near where you live. Get out into nature together, try a new sport or activity, or take some classes together - whatever works for you. Make sure to break the monotony from time and freshen things up.

Make the first move
If you feel like your partner is becoming more distant, waiting for them to come to you usually only makes things worse. Even if it feels a little uncomfortable and unnatural at first, try to be more physically affectionate, and make a real effort to listen to what they say. If you're tired out from a long day at work, it can be difficult to stay motivated to make an effort with your partner too – but even just throwing in a compliment on how they look, or telling them how much you missed them can go a really long way.

Even more importantly, make your appreciation clear when they do little things for you too. Relationships are all about give and take - so give freely and appreciate what you get in return! There’s no better way to put the spark and sizzle back in a long-term relationship than by just taking the time to appreciate one another for who you are.

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