The Top Relationship Killers Every Couple Should Know About

unhappy couple with distance between them going through a breakup

If you've fallen in love and think you've found the right person for you, it makes sense that you'd do all that you can to guard your relationship. There are a number of issues that many of us will come up against in a romantic relationship, and can end up being the cause of its failure if not handled correctly. Here are a few to be aware of.

Lack of communication 
Communication is a key ingredient in any successful relationship. When a couples communication breaks down, things will almost always start going wrong. We can't expect our partners to be mind readers, we need to be clear, honest and open so we're able to understand each other and see one another's perspective. Start clamming up, being private or not communicating properly it's going to cause a serious problem in the relationship. As the saying goes, you have two ears and one mouth, so be twice as good at listening as you are at talking. Don't jump to conclusions, really hear what your partner has to say and take their comments on board. If you're struggling knowing where to start, relationship counselling can be incredibly helpful for some couples. It gives you a safe, neutral place to discuss ideas, with prompts from a professional. Once you're over the first hurdles and have advice about how to deal with things properly, you might find you can figure out the rest yourselves. 

Lack of trust 
If you used to trust your partner with your life, but now you find it difficult to trust them even with the smallest things, then it's a sign that your relationship is on the rocks. Trust is fundamental to a solid relationship. After all, you can never be with your partner at all times and know what they're doing (nor should you want to!) You need to be able to spend time apart and know that they're being loyal to you, and not doing anything that will hurt you or your relationship. If it's been broken somehow then regaining trust is crucial, or it will most definitely end up being the cause of your relationship failing. 

Financial transparency 
Money is always an emotive issue in relationships, and if you want to be successful you must come clean with your finances. This includes being transparent about any debts or large payments you have to make, and also budgeting in a way that suits you both. Maybe you enjoy having a flutter at the best New Zealand casinos every now and again or putting bets on sports games, even if it seems harmless to you it's something your partner should know about. In some cases, it might be best to keep your finances separate, and each just pay your half of bills into a set bills account. For other couples, combining finances might make more sense. But have a chat and work out what will be best for you both. 

No boundaries 
No one wants to feel like they're being bound down by 'rules', but it's important to have boundaries in relationships. You need to discuss what you're not comfortable with so your partner is able to respect that. For example, in some relationships, staying friends with exes and going off to meet them for lunch or a coffee every now and again is no big deal. In other relationships this would be a complete dealbreaker. It's all very personal so is something that should be discussed. It can be a tricky one, as you don't want to control your partner and set all of these hugely restrictive rules. If you're unsure what's acceptable and what's controlling, read a book on setting boundaries (there are plenty in the self help section on Amazon) or do some research online. But if certain things are crossing a line for you, just be clear where that line is and tell them you don't/ wouldn't like it if they did that. In most cases, it will be common sense but other times the lines can be blurred which is why you need to be clear on how you feel.

Technology can be a good servant but a bad master. When technology is a servant, it means that you know how to use it to your advantage to grow your relationship to greater heights. However, when it becomes a master, it means that now it's the one controlling you. This is a point that is normally reached when you become addicted to your gadgets and find it difficult to put them down. This can cause you to lack quality time spent with your loved one. Some couples find that having a 'blackout' evening from technology once a week can be helpful. This is where you turn off your phones or wifi, and solely enjoy time in each others company instead. You could play a board game or cards, or sit out in the garden together with a coffee or a glass of wine. 

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