If like me you have small children, you'll know that there are some hard facts of life that are simply never easy to communicate to them. Telling them about the loss of a beloved pet for example, can be so tough that we as parents might come up with white lies- like suggesting that because they’re old, they’ve gone to help the local groundskeeper where they can run and take care of the fields. These little white lies might seem like deception on the surface, but they can sometimes be little untruths designed to help and spare our children from too much emotional pain or confusion. It’s your decision as a parent to consider their suitability but it’s also true that we can’t keep all of life’s difficulties at arm’s length. Attending a funeral for a grandparent for example can be a healthy thing for a child to do, because it helps them begin to gain cloure with the rest of you. But preparing them for these kinds of necessities can be important.
Discuss Your Options With Your Funeral Director
Funeral directors have helped countless families go through these sensitive situations, and they understand that children experience grief differently than adults do. You can talk openly with them about your child's age, personality, and how they've been handling the loss so far. Most funeral homes offer different viewing options that might work better for younger family members, for instance, with shorter visitation periods or private family time before the main service begins. They might also suggest seating arrangements that make it easier for you to step out with your child if needed, or they could recommend timing the visit for when your little one is typically at their best during the day. Such professionals know how to create an environment that feels less intimidating while still honoring your loved one appropriately.
Prepare Them For What To Expect
Kids do better with new experiences when they know what's coming, so describing the funeral home setting can help reduce anxiety about the unknown. You might explain that it will be quieter than usual places you visit together, that people will be dressed nicely, and that there will probably be flowers around. Let them know they'll see family members and friends who might be sad or crying, which is completely normal and okay, and it’s okay if they want to cry too. Talking through the basic flow of the service helps too, like how long it might last, whether there will be music or speaking, and what they should do if they need to use the bathroom or get some fresh air.
Stay With Them & Be That Safe Reassurance
Your presence becomes their main grounding point during the entire experience, so staying close and being ready to offer comfort is essential. Keep an eye on their body language and be prepared to step outside for a few minutes if they seem very upset or restless. Bringing along a small comfort item like a favorite stuffed animal or blanket can provide extra security, and having some quiet activities in your bag gives you options if they need a gentle distraction here or there depending on their age.
