When someone you care about is grieving, it’s hard to know what to do especially if you've never experienced a similar kind of grief. You want to support them, you might be worried about making things worse or say the wrong thing. The truth is, there’s no perfect way to help. But showing up in small, honest ways can really mean everything.
Say something, even if you’re not sure what
Silence can be one of the hardest things for someone going through grief. People often avoid saying anything because they’re worried about getting it wrong, but saying nothing at all can feel like you don’t care. You don’t need to offer advice or try to make them feel better. A simple “I’m so sorry” or “I’m here if you want to talk” is enough. It shows them that you’re thinking of them, and that matters more than anything. If they’ve just lost someone, there’s often a lot of stuff they suddenly have to deal with. Helping them get in touch with funeral directors or handling other basic arrangements can really ease some of the pressure. Even sitting with them while they make those calls can take some of the weight off. Little things like sorting food, picking up groceries, or offering a lift somewhere can take away some of the stress they probably don’t have the energy for.
Just be there, without trying to fix it
When someone is grieving, they’re not expecting you to make it better. You don’t need to come up with something wise or meaningful. Most of the time, just being there is enough. Sit with them. Let them talk, or let them cry. Let them be quiet if that’s what they need. You’re not there to solve anything. You’re just giving them a bit of space to feel however they feel, and that’s one of the kindest things you can do. Even if you don’t know what to say, show up. Text them. Call them. Knock on their door with tea and a biscuit. The point is to remind them that they’re not alone, even when the days are heavy.
Keep showing up, even after the funeral
A lot of people check in during the first week or two. Then life moves on, and suddenly it’s quiet. That’s when grief can feel the loudest. If you want to help, keep checking in after the funeral is over and everyone else has gone back to normal. You don’t need to say anything deep. Just ask how they’re doing or invite them for a short walk. They might say no, but they’ll remember that you asked. There’s no time limit on grief. One day might feel okay, and the next might knock them flat. Don’t expect them to bounce back quickly, and don’t act like they should be over it. Patience really matters here. If they feel safe around you, they’ll open up when they’re ready.
Don’t centre yourself in their grief
It can be tempting to try and relate by telling your own story. Maybe you’ve gone through something similar, and you want to connect. But most of the time, what helps most is listening. Let them talk, and don’t shift the focus to your experience. They’re already carrying so much. They don’t need to hold space for someone else right now.
